(ad)Venturing into Openness

A group of my friends talk about being "open," being real with who you are. As humans I can look at myself and to some extent see who I really am. But there's parts that aren't always comfortable, that haven't felt the redeeming touch of Jesus Christ's loving hand. No matter how long you've been walking as a Christian, God is still working on you.

C.S Lewis said that God want's to make us the more real version of ourselves. When Christ as the Light of the World shines His light on my life for long enough, the light starts to reach parts of me I haven't seen before. Stuff that was always there, but now I see how much it doesn't fit with Him. It might be that I don't see myself as beautiful as He sees me, I don't see my sin as disgusting as He sees it, or that I don't see Him as grandiose as He truly is.

When it's stuff about me and my sin, I like to keep it in the dark. There I don't have to face it, no one has to know, and I can just ignore God prodding this area. Maybe I'll try to suffocate it with a sin and or dysfunction that I don't think is as bad, or maybe something I feel I can control that might be worse.

It's those nastiest parts that need God's light so much so that He can refine and redeem all of me.

The first step to openness in an area is being open with God. I think it's easier to say "God there's some painful crap in me I think You need to deal with." God is the one that works, and deals, and it's only by His wonderful grace that I can be like Him. Until I bring God into it, I can keep it to myself and it won't go anywhere.

The second step is to get real and detailed with myself. God and I are talking about how there's painful crap, and so now I need to face the monster under my bed and gather the courage to grab the magazine to kill the spider. I have to see the hurt that God feels because of what I'm doing to myself. Get detailed, write it out, don't leave anything out.

Third and most important is to tell a Christian and ask for help. If you can't tell a real person, go online and find a ministry that can help your situation. There are so many sites out there to help people with self esteem, family issues, eating issues, pornography, same sex attraction, alcoholism, whatever it is there's a Godly ministry that can help you anonymously address what you're dealing with. Consider online help as step 3.a. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to just go that far. Online there are resources to learn about problems, so you can gain understanding about the crap. But you still need to tell a Godly person and ask for help. People who don't think it's crap don't count, because they won't be truthful with you. Someone who has the strength to fight for you, and carry you through repentance to healing.

Sometimes you have to be gusty and make that call Right Now, even really late at night and you wake them up. It's better to wake that Christian up, then to stay in crap. Sometimes you have to write in an email or journal in all honesty. Maybe email that pastor. Sometimes you need to go for a drive or crawl up in bed and Cry Out to God in all that icky pain, and tell God how much it s**ks.

Eventually pain becomes a testimony, where you can say this is the crap God redeemed and took care of. This is the battle scare. Someday on a bus ride, or in a small group God lead's you to the fourth openness with the world. You'll be able to tell the story of God's redemption in the crap, and you're able to live a more real version who God intended you to be.